Posted on June 27, 2019
Living in the Light of Moderation
After sharing last fall about my history with addiction and unhealthy behaviours, I have felt a reconnection with the part of me that had chosen that path.
It’s interesting because for years I have said that I would never take those experiences back, I don’t regret them, I learned so much about life. Yet, as I openly shared about these experiences, it woke something up inside me which I had not been giving attention to.
For the past 8 years I have worked very hard at cultivating a path of inner strength against these patterns of behaviour that took me down those roads. I felt it was what I had to do to gain my footing in life, and I know I have.
But what I’m noticing now, as that young, carefree part of myself re-emerges more fully and I embrace her in my life again, is that I need her. I need her joy, her vitality, her wisdom.
Without her, I have felt at many times lifeless, overly serious, and a bit rigid.
It’s not that she hasn’t been there at all, she’s shown up in windows of beautiful presence, but I feel I have kept her at bay, not allowing her to experience too much fun, keeping a tight lid on her joy. And now I know why.
I was afraid. I was afraid her desire for pleasures would overcome me and I’d fall back into old patterns that caused me much pain.
But I’ve grown. The part of me that cultivated my ability to be disciplined and integral has made some huge strides in keeping me on track with my goals of self-awareness and overcoming the addictions.
For the past 6 years, I have worked attentively on figuring out how I could enjoy some alcoholic beverages without losing sight of myself and my path. I’ve found balance in enjoying a few drinks socially and no longer condemn or shame myself as if I’ve done something wrong. I know my path of stability can be maintained when I put my heart and mind to the task.
So now as I watch this vivacious inner light of joy open up to her new possibilities, I feel a grander sense of inner trust and more soul-alignment.
I know that I will not fall back into old patterns, because I have drive, commitment, and self-awareness. And quite serendipitously, 8 years to the day when I stopped drinking that summer of 2011, I know I can live a moderate life style, where I can play and enjoy the pleasures of life without falling into excessive and unhealthy behaviours.
I sense as I embrace all of me, even more, I will lean more fully into what lights my heart and soul.
In yoga, one of the sacred principles to live by is Brahmacharya, which means moderation, pleasure without excess. This principle has a new light of positivity for me today. Instead of a fearful view of constrictive moderation, it’s one of acceptance and trust. I can choose to enjoy some of the pleasures of this life, and not lose sight of my soul.
There is much to be gained by learning to embrace all of you, without shunning any old parts of yourself out of your life. Consider how you can bring those parts of you that struggled, that brought powerful lessons into your life, to serve you now. What have you learned from them? How can you embrace them?
Tap into those experiences that have cultivated your self-awareness, so you know when your choices will serve you, and when they won’t.
How can the light of moderate living help you stay in alignment with your soul, while still enjoying the fruits of this world we live in? What would be possible for you?
Keep observing yourself, as will I, we can learn so much just by tuning into ourselves… past and present… heart, mind, and soul.
How does this resonate with you? Please comment or connect with me anytime you’d like to explore what might be possible for you. Together we will light up the world.