Why Should You?

Our intention with should is often to better ourselves, or make a choice that will benefit others. But what is the essence of should and how does it impact us?

In recent weeks I have been making some important decision for myself and I noticed the word should was often showing up. It was around the second or third decision that I began really hearing what was behind the ‘should’.

First of all, there was justification. The essence of justification is what is right and reasonable. However, in making these decisions for myself, right and reasonable was feeling off. I was telling myself what do to based on beliefs I held about what was best, but it did not feel good. My beliefs were based on old experiences that did not serve me today. By realizing this, I was able to shift my beliefs and step into what is actually right and reasonable for me now.

Second, by ‘shoulding’ myself, I was giving away my power.
Say the word should to yourself now. Does it feel like your own? Not really, hey? When we ‘should’ ourselves into an intention or action, we are not able to own the power of it. It feels forced.

Consider something you have been telling yourself you ‘should’ do for some time now.

Say, “I should do x”… Now try, “I can do x”.

What difference do you notice? Giving yourself the choice of ‘can’ allows you to carry your power into the choice.

But there is more to really find your truth.Why Should You?
As you say you can do something, notice what makes this important to you.
Now, you can also check into the justification of your decision. What do you believe about your choice? Is your decision based on what is right and reasonable for you now?
If there are any beliefs you hold about your choice that do not feel good, you may be holding an old belief that is not serving you today. It is possible to shift those beliefs with awareness, understanding, and action.
Then you can step into the power of what you will do.

With every ‘should’ you say, you give your power away. Tweet this!

The next time you should yourself into a decision, take back your power, turn it into a can, notice your belief about why, take note of any belief you need shift, and then step into what you will actually do.

What is your experience when you ‘should’ yourself into a decision? How will you take back your power?

Please take a moment share your experiences and comments.

Thank you for spending a few moments reading my article today. I hope you take away some powerful awareness for your decision-making.

If you would like to receive future articles, please subscribe on the side column and contact me. I can help you stop ‘shoulding’ yourself.

May the power be in you.
xo, Brenda

Resolve to Be

Before I talk about anything to do with the new year ahead, I want to remind you of one very important thing…

“You are enough, right now, exactly as you are.”

What do I mean by enough?

It means everything you have done right up to this moment is perfect. Your journey up to today has brought you right to where you are supposed to be. All experiences and lessons are part of your great journey in this life.

Now that you understand you are enough, you can look to how you want to grow in the coming year.

The common theme of New Years resolutions often revolves around health and wellbeing. This is awesome and is very needed, but I would like to bring in another concept in this intention setting. It is not only about what you want to do, but about how you want be.

Resolve to BeFor example, if you want to be an early riser, you will go to bed earlier. If you want to be more present, you will ignore distractions that take away your attention.

Here are a few questions to reflect on as you plan your desired way of being in the coming year. Get out a pen and journal, and take your time. Feel free to do it a few times, you may have a few ways of being you want to focus on.

1. What way of being do I want to bring attention to and mould for my highest good?

2. How will that attention impact my wellbeing?

3. What are my challenges to evolve this way of being?

4. What strengths do I have that will help me mould my attention for this way of being?

5. What is my desired outcome in moulding my way of being?

6. How will I continue to accept I am enough, if my desired outcome is not reached, or changes?

Take the important points and put them in a place you will see them often or create some affirmations or mantras to work with each day, as reminders of how you want to be.

When we focus on how we want to be, we purposefully take action on what we need to do. Tweet This!

Every year we evolve, we grow and learn. Remember to allow space for your resolutions to evolve throughout the year. Revisit these questions anytime. What you see as your best intention today, may change as you go about the year.

And remember how you grow, will also be enough.

Please share your ways of being, you may inspire others! I resolve to be courageous.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. I hope it gave you something to reflect on as you step into 2015 and your continued journey in highest good.

If you would like to receive new articles, please subscribe at the side. Be sure to contact me if you want some help to you reach your goals in 2015!

As I reflect on 2014, I am very grateful for my connection with all of you. You give me purpose in sharing these articles. Here’s to 2015, creating more connections and helping each other be our greatest self!

Inner peace and joyful love.
Namaste,
Brenda

Slowing down

This time of year brings long, dark nights and short days upon us. Nature calls for slowing down and resting, yet our culture promotes the exact opposite. When I ask people how they are, the answer I often receive is, “busy”. We are no longer giving attention to what nature holds true in her seasons. Instead, we are tired and struggling; emotionally, physically and often financially.

 

Slowing Down

 

What if you took nature’s advice and slowed down as the days become darker? You began amending activities to coincide with the shorter days and choosing to rest in the evenings and be with your families and friends? How would the joy, love, and peace of the season feel?

 

Here are some tips to help you in these shortened days.
Be mindful of your:
Needs – Rest when you are tired.  Slow down by taking time to relax and acknowledge what ever else shows up for you, honour you.
Intentions – Notice your intention in each choice. Ask, “does this support my highest good or am I giving away my precious energy for a purpose that does not match what I need?”.
Actions – On those busy days, be present to your self; emotionally, physically and mentally. Be okay with honouring your needs and make your decisions based on them.

 

Slow down, reflect with gratitude, and receive the benefits of all of your efforts this past year. Tweet this.

 

This is how I am working with these darkened days. I take a moment each morning to notice what I need and what excites me for the upcoming day. I am active, but allow myself to take it easier now, not to wear my self out.  I am setting time to share with friends and family. I give thanks each evening for what I hold dear in my life and welcome what tomorrow may bring. I am ensuring I get enough sleep at night. Honouring my needs, intentions, and action are allowing me space to slow down and receive the beauty of the season.

 

Share your joy with those around you as you count your blessings. Take time to dream about what you want to create in the coming year. Plant those seeds in these darkened nights and as the sun grows stronger again after the winter solstice, they will begin to re-energize and grow within you.

 

How are you spending your time in these shorter days? Do you notice yourself needing a shift?

 

Please share your comments and experiences. Thank you for taking your time to read my article. My intention is to offer you valuable tips to help you in your life. If you would like to receive future articles, please subscribe at the side. Please contact me to see if what I offer will add value for you.

 

Follow the rhythms of nature.
Blessings this season,
xo, Brenda

An Invitation To All Your Parts

Living presently does not require you to forget or forgive your past, instead you can learn how to bring it with you. Accept and embrace all the parts that make you, You.

Throughout life we journey through many highs and lows; celebration and challenges; certainty and uncertainty. Each experience offers a variety of life learnings and new possibilities.

Every time you overcome an obstacle or realize the benefits of your efforts, a new part emerges within your existing self. You may feel a deeper sense of self connection after making a challenging decision or you may feel accomplishment as you take a step you never new possible. When you acknowledge the parts that endured the journey with you, you can draw on them when you need them in the future.

All Your PartsIn my early 20’s, I went through some challenging years. As I came through them I noticed a stronger sense of self. I felt confident and connected to more of my possibilities. Although the challenges were difficult, I learned how to bring these parts of myself into my present instead of allowing them to fade into my past.

As I moved away from the challenging experiences I realized I did not need to forget or forgive myself for what happened. I chose acceptance instead and I felt closer to the part of me emerging from the experiences. I was opening up to who I was becoming. As I learned to embrace all parts of me, I felt more connected to my needs, my strengths, and my truths.

Your past transforms parts of you which prepare you for your future, draw on those parts in your present. Tweet this!

We have many parts of our self which make up who we are today. The past experiences we had do not define us, but the parts of self that emerge help to create us. Some parts will hold a more impactful place in our lives than others, but each part needs acknowledgment for the efforts endured and growth received.

Allow all past parts of you into your present, you will come to know your true self more deeply.

How do you reflect on your past? Do you see the value your past experiences offer you today?

Please comment and share your experiences!

Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope you received great value to take with you in your life. If you are interested in receiving future articles, please subscribe on the sidebar and contact me to see how I can help you live with all of your parts.

From all of my parts to all of yours…
Love,
Brenda

Open to Silence?

A few years ago, a friend of mine who is also coach, was doing a Body Bliss workshop over a few weeks. It was an introspective and goal setting journey.

As part of the journey, she requested we try an attention activity and offered ideas about bringing mindful awareness into our day. The next day, I took my earphones out of my ears as I walked to and from work, and turned off the TV while I ate. At first, it seemed somewhat empty, but as I continued I began to open to a deeper experience of my self.

Open to SilenceI heard the birds, traffic, wind, and people around me, instead of the music I used to distract me from the outside world. I felt more connected to the world around me.

The taste of food enhanced and meals transformed. In addition to turning off the tv, I focused on chewing my food 20 times before swallowing. I created a ritual around my meals by lighting a candle in the evening and enjoying my company.

The world around me became more vibrant and alive. Over just a few weeks, my senses continued to heighten. In turn, I felt more vibrant and alive.

As I opened to these experiences by removing distractions, I could hear more clearly what I was saying to myself. Thoughts previously drowned out by music and tv became my focal point. I noticed how my thoughts were impacting my experiences.

Detaching from distraction, opens your awareness to a presence experience. Tweet this!

Looking back on these experiences, I can see the long-term influence. I notice when my thoughts try holding me back out of fear of failure. Becoming mindful of my needs, I choose which challenges to pursue. As well, I am more in touch with my emotions, as I no longer hide my feelings with distractions. This self-realization transformed me in many ways. The mindful activities were the beginning of new self-awareness. I could observe myself and notice my thoughts, which together propelled me into a welcomed journey of creating a life of presence and meaning.

Are you open to receiving through silence? Believe me, there is much more than just silence. There is presence and self-awareness.

Try it and come share your experiences!

Thank you for sharing your time with me today. If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles, please subscribe on the side. .

Receive the sounds of silence in your heart.

much love,
Brenda

Come Back To Your Truth

Life is overwhelming when you feel trapped in a situation and it leaves you feeling depleted. When we allow this feeling to take over, we get stuck, but when we take mindful actions, we come back to our truth with a feeling of fulfillment.

Recently, I experienced a couple of friends going through this and it reminded me of times I also felt this way. I recall thoughts of uncertainty about my future, confusion of why I was in the situation, and fear of how to get out of it.

How can you move through these uncomfortable experiences?

Awareness and action will lead you back to your truth.
Here are some ways to help:

Be aware of your thoughts – Observe what you are telling your self about the situation. Notice what thoughts are showing up and what feeling they leave you with.
Ask someone to listen without judgement or a need to ‘fix’ you – Speaking your thoughts and needs while being heard by empathetic ears, without judgement, is powerful to feeling acknowledged.
Notice where you put your attention and energy – If you focus on the issue, the issue will focus on you. Acceptance of the situation and choosing to take action in accordance with your true intentions can break the cycle.
Get in touch with your self-love – You are worthy of getting through the ordeal and trust you will.

Light in dark spotsWhen we are challenged to overcome something in life, we are often thrown off our centre, away from our truth. When we realize this, tap into our personal truth, and take action, we regain our inner strength, accept our circumstances, and trust our self to persevere.

Life is a wave of ups and downs, but with attention and action, we can find our way back to our true self. Tweet this!

What challenge have you been faced with recently? Have you found your truth in the matter or do you need to check in?

Please share your thoughts or experiences.

Thank you for spending your time with me today. If you liked today’s article, please like it, share it with your friends and sign up to receive future articles by email.

Trust your self, Love your self.

xo, Brenda

Truth without Shame

Who you are on the inside? Do you show that person to the world?

This week, I listened to a recent speech by Monica Lewinsky. She spoke courageously about the effects of public humiliation, damage to reputation, and the consequences of shame.

Monica is speaking out about her personal experience in 1998 when she fell in love with the US President at the age of 22. She spoke of how the media’s representation of her lacked integrity. Through the media’s representation, the public judged her without knowing her. This deeply affected her sense of self and took years to overcome.

The effects of public humiliation are found in many facets today, not limited to celebrities being effected daily and children being bullied in schools and online.

The consequences she spoke of are dire, where children and youth are taking their lives as they are literally humiliated to death.

Attitudes and actions towards one another are in need of compassion and reflection, as a whole society, all ages, races, ethnicities, gender, etc.

Our society lacks empathy for one another in this social media age. The Internet gives immediate access to the world with no boundaries or limits. We are often encouraged to hold the perspective of media or the expectation of society, without question.

I believe in Monica’s message about shame and humiliation, and the changes needed in our society. I also heard another important message from her:

“Being publicly separated from your truth is one of the classic triggers of anxieties, depression, and self loathing. The greater the distance between the ‘you’ people want you to be and the ‘you’ you actually are, the greater will be your anxiety, depression, sense of failure, and shame.”
Courage to BeOften, the perception of who we are to others can differ from our own perception of who we are, even without media or bullies. The effects are not limited to depression, stress, and shame.  I also see the effects as: lacking meaning in life; unclear decision-making; and resentment towards others. The negative impacts grow with the separation we are building between: who society thinks we are; who we think society wants us to be; and who we really are.

Regularly I ask, “What would life be like if everyone could truly be the person they are on the inside, without worrying about the perceptions or judgements of others? Would we be satisfied in life, become healthier beings, and be accepting of others?”

Trusting our sense of self is valuable, it’s the most precious currency we own. Tweet This!

When we give into the perceptions of others and allow them to impact our choices, we give away our precious currency, our sense of self.

Will you do this? The next time you notice yourself making a decision based on someone else’s perspective of who you are, take a stand for yourself. There is no shame in being YOU.

Thank you for taking your time to read this article today. If you would like to listen to the speech made by Monica Lewinsky, you can see it here.

If you would like to receive notice of future articles, please subscribe on the side column and contact me to learn more about how I can help you.

Be True to Yourself.

love,
Brenda