Posted on August 8, 2014
Negative self-talk is toxic to your true potential. When talking to yourself or about yourself, do you ever hear words that leave you feeling sick, unhappy or rejected? Isn’t it time you started to talk to yourself the way you talk to everyone else?
Let’s get to know this negative self-talk so we can learn to how change it into positive self-talk. It’s time to treat your self the way you deserve to be treated.
You may be asking, what is self-talk?
Self-talk is that voice you often hear in your head, your internal thoughts. It interprets what you perceive and has a constant dialogue internally. Sometimes we will even share this dialogue externally with those around us.
How do you know if it’s impact is positive or negative?
There are many ways to analyze the self-talk, but I tend to pay attention to how it makes me feel. Does what your am saying to yourself feel exciting and joyful or does it leave you feeling drained and unhappy? This can be challenging to uncover, but I will get into that more in a minute.
It takes compassion to look at your negative thoughts.
From my experience as a coach and even working through my own experiences, I have noticed that the self-talk often stems from perceptions to our past experiences. The perception of your experience created thoughts which had a purpose at the time, usually trying to protect you from something. It is simply a perception that hasn’t grown or changed with you and now impacts your self-talk.
When working with clients, I often hear self-talk come across with a sense of certainty. These are thoughts in our minds, right? So we believe them to be true. But are they REALLY true?
We perceive them to be true because we have said them over and over in our minds. For example, the past relationship that seems to reoccur with every new one because it is the way you are; the unwanted weight that continues to weigh you down because you can’t stop eating treats; the job you can’t get because you’ll never know enough. These are all perceptions you hold about yourself, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
You CAN change your perceptions and self talk!
1. Listen for those words that seem so real, but don’t feel good. When do you find yourself getting down on yourself about something? Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings.
2. Then notice, what I am saying to myself right now? Once you start to hear it you will notice it when it shows up. Just like that awesome car you want to buy and suddenly see it everywhere. Your awareness changes.
3. Take the time to acknowledge it. What does it stem from? When did you first start saying this to yourself? What do you believe about this? Is it still protecting you from something?
4. Create a new dialogue. This is extremely important to trust yourself here. What do you really want to hear yourself say? What feels better?
5. Now Say It! When ever you hear that old broken record come into your thoughts, STOP, and put on the new track! Liberate your thoughts into what feels really good for you.
Even if your new dialogue feels awkward at first, please give it time. Play with it and see how you feel. Remember to allow it to change as your perceptions change. Your greatest potential is waiting for you in your positive self-talk!
I’d love to hear your ‘thoughts’ on this! What is your experience with your self-talk? Please share your comments.
Do you find this challenging? Working together could help you break those barriers into the happier, healthier you! Contact me!
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Thank you and happy thoughts everyone!
Posted on August 1, 2014
The ebb and flow of creating change in our lives can often be pictured like this…
One day you’re ready, stepping forward feels so good, you know your future is bright, you can feel the changes flowing within you and somehow the next day you’re standing there saying, “Where did that darn brick wall come from? I am obviously not ready yet.” or “I can’t even move, it’s best I stay where I am at.”
When we begin to make change and choose new steps in our lives, we often feel that initial flow of excitement screaming “YES!! This is what I have been looking for, life is going to be fantastic!” And we will ride that wave for a day, a few days, a week, but as is life, the excitement does not always last and reality kicks in. That incredible change you envisioned suddenly feels daunting, scary, or down right uncomfortable.
Why!? Why do we resist the change we want?
Well, just like the tides ebb and flow, we also flow through changes in our emotions and in our physical body. This can impact our momentum. In every moment things are shifting and moving with the flow of life. Nothing really stops, but it can seem to stand still. Our emotions fly high and then come down from the clouds to take a rest on the soil. In our bodies, old cells die and new cells grow. In reality, we are constantly changing even when things seem to stay the same.
How do we still create the change that we long for, knowing that brick walls are likely going to show up?
Well, let’s start with setting the expectation with ourself. It is important to recognize that with change there will be days of great leaps and bounds forward and there will be days that nothing makes sense and you may even feel like you are going backward. Allow your growth to be natural and true. Go with your own flow and honour it through the ups and downs.
Now, how about being prepared. What is your support system like for the change you want to create. Although it is up to your to take your own steps, having support can be exactly what you need to help you get through the challenges. Having someone to help you work through the blocks, encourage you through the mud, and celebrate with the victories can really make the entire change experience much lighter. Know who your person or people are that will be there for you, before you get started.
Remember it is a journey. This is one that I have to remind myself of constantly. When we set our sights on something that want, we often want it now. But as my Dad always said, “that is not the way the world works Brenda”. Besides if we got everything we wanted now, what kind of life would that be? The journey IS the experience; the true zest of life. Without the journey we lose the meaning, the importance, and the real growth.
So let’s flow with change, take the curves, the highs and lows, and those edges of our edge that keep us growing and expanding into our greatness.
Remember, with any change, you will flow, you will ebb, but with intention you will flow again. Tweet this!
So over to you, how do you work with the ebb and flow of change? Please share your comments and experiences in the comment box below.
Are you looking for support in creating lasting change in your life? Contact me TODAY!
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Posted on July 25, 2014
I’ve been in their lives for just over a year now. Oh, how my partner’s children have grown and changed over that time is incredible. Time with children, whether your own or others children, is so very precious. Each day, each moment they are learning something new or gaining skills with things they continue to work on, all while we get to witness the magic of their life.
Consciously choosing to be a person in their lives that is present, cheering, hugging, encouraging, teaching, and so on is extremely meaningful for both of us. Of all of these aspects, I see one piece that is integral to the rest. Being present. When we are present we are truly witnessing, being our self, and then the rest we have to offer them can easily fall into place.
So how do we ensure we are being present? I have been working with living mindfully for a few years and while I continue to grow into this new part-time parenting role over the last year, I have been consciously paying attention to what keeps me present, what causes my attention stray and how to practice present awareness.
Here are three ways that I find are helping me be present.
1- To start with there is this balance triangle we like to use in our house; we work towards balance between personal time, family time, and work/friends time. When there is a good balance between all sides, we find we are better able to be present with each other, everyone is happier and emotionally healthier. Personally, when I find a healthy balance in my triangle I feel my best and I am able to offer my best, presently.
2 - Then there is the importance of conscious activities. When we try to do too many things at once, something always comes up with the short end of the stick. Just like cooking something on the stove and texting at the same time are a bad mix (believe me, something usually gets burned). Teaching the younger generation this is extremely important. There are so many facets of distraction today. Can you imagine growing up in this world with no understanding of what it was like before we were bombarded with information and electronics? Slowing things down and doing things being present will not only allow us to get back to some of our root life experiences, but also teach our children to do the same.
3 - Finally, simply choosing to stop and soak up the precious time together. This past week, I put my book down when I was requested by one child to play cards, my partner has got up extra early to work so he could spend more time with the children during the day, or choosing to get out of the house and heading to the beach for an afternoon together for some quality time. When we stop, take notice of what we can do for the highest good of everyone, we offer a more complete experience to ourselves and to our precious families.
When we bring our attention to what keeps us present and take action in our lives to ensure we work towards presence, we more easily teach and earn the presence of our children.
Staying present to our self, earns the presence of others. Tweet this!
How do you offer your most present self to those around you? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments box.
If you want to start living presently, send me an email and we can explore the benefits you can gain in your life.
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May you feel more presence in your day.
Posted on July 12, 2014
When I hear people talk about passions, often they are not sure what they are passionate about or really unsure of what that word means to them.
I recall a few years ago, noticing that I really wasn’t sure what I was passionate about. I felt like I was putting a lot energy into my life, but that I really wasn’t getting the feelings I was seeking. Sound familiar?
So what is a passion? (Besides the kinky kind…wink, wink)
Wikipedia defines passion as an intense emotion, compelling enthusiasm or desire for anything.
How is it that we have fallen away from knowing what gives us that intense emotion, enthusiasm and desire in a way that leads us into great happiness?
I know for myself, I get distracted. I will do anything and everything that keeps me hiding from my true self.
We live in a distracted society these days. Life has become so busy with social media, social activities, family life, and we barely have time to pay attention to what is bringing us happiness. When we have a moment, rarely do we just sit and reflect, we end up checking Facebook, our emails, creating a list for the grocery store, etc, etc. Remember when we use to get lost in a day-dream about what made us super happy!?
If you are curious about what you are passionate about, pay attention to the things that really get your attention or that you find yourself thinking about when you don’t have something to distract you. Put your smart phone down and see what shows up, your passions are waiting to light you up!
Our passions are a means to daily happiness, it’s time to listen, and live them! Tweet this!
What are you doing today that lights you up with passion? Is there more that you could be doing to bring yourself happiness today?
Please share your comments and experiences about your passion quest.
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Posted on July 4, 2014
Playful running, skipping, hopping, jumping, cartwheels, hand stands, and all those good feelings that came with them. How can we bring those joyful feelings back into our lives today?
You may not feel like you can do a cart-wheel anymore, but those passions for joy that we felt early in our lives are still possible and ready to play with you today!
Please take a moment to daydream a little with me.
Go back in your memory to when you were younger, maybe under 10. What were some of your favourite things to do? Take your time and really enjoy the experience of one or two in your mind.
How do you feel when you are there dreaming about this? Which of your senses come alive for you?
Personally, I reflect back and remember dancing. I felt so much joy and a feeling of being free when I danced as a child. Whirling and twirling, in the flow of my spirit. I can feel my heart expand with happiness when I think about it and my body feels like it wants to move.
When we can feel those sensations today from a simple memory of something in our youthful past, we now have an anchor into feelings and sensations that we truly appreciate.
We have a few choices of how to take this forward into our lives:
We can actual get out there and do what brought us that joy many years ago.
We can pay attention to the things we do today that bring us that kind of joy and do them more!
We can set an intention to find the activities that bring us those feelings and then use our intuition to guide us there.
We deserve to feel joy everyday and it is up to us to find the ways to bring ourself joy. Tweet This!
Let’s remind ourselves and encourage our friends and family to do the things that bring us the most joy. Because really, isn’t that joyful feeling the whole point!
What will you do today to bring more joy into your life?
Please share your comments and experiences so we can grow together!
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Posted on June 27, 2014
Carrying past hurt, anger, or frustration around with you can be toxic. These negative emotions can cause dis-ease on so many levels in our being. However, it is possible to release these negative feelings with the gentle use of forgiveness.
When situations cause us to feel hurt, angry, or frustrated there is a piece of us that tends to hide. We feel vulnerable and our instinct is to protect ourself. These feelings will often be that protector.
So, how can we still be protected, yet release the harmful emotions that can cause this toxic dis-ease?
Here are some steps to help you work through a situation to forgive, not to forget, but to release.
1. Acknowledge the feelings that are showing up – is it hurt, anger, frustration, or something else?
2. Clarify what situation is causing these feelings
3. Become aware of your perception of the situation
4. For a moment, try looking at the situation from perception of anyone else who is involved
5. Now, check in with your feelings again, and notice their impact on you physically, emotionally, and mentally
6. Ask yourself, how will these feelings impact me in the long-term if I hold on to them?
7. Then, notice how you feel now.
8. Now ask, what do I need to release these feelings? And honour that, with truth, self-love, and kindness towards others.
To help gain clarity at any time during this process, here are a few ideas:
– journal to get out all of your thoughts and emotions
– take a walk outdoors to find emotional and mental clarity
– sit in silence and ground yourself with meditation
If you choose to speak to anyone involved, please ensure you are not laying blame, but first ask them to hear you and once you have been heard completely, then ask if they have anything to offer or say.
Forgiveness does not only occur by speaking to someone about the situation. By simply, releasing the negative emotions that were held, we can release our ties to the situation and be free from it. Forgiveness is not about forgetting, because there are lessons in everything we do, it is about releasing and moving forward with the lesson.
Forgiveness offers lessons, so forgive, not to forget, but remember and move forward. Tweet This!
Is there a situation you could forgive and release? What lessons have you learned from forgiving?
May you always find the path to forgiveness.
Please comment and share your experiences.
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Posted on June 21, 2014
When our heart feels heavy about a choice we have made or our head is beating us up with over thinking our decision, it can throw us into a flurry of confusion and frustration. Wishing we had the opportunity to go back and do it again. Unfortunately, we often can not. We can try to make it right by other means or let it go and resolve to do it differently next time. If the undesired outcome gets caught in emotions and memories and becomes difficult to move forward from, this healing can take time, patience, self-awareness and love.
Would you like to be more at ease with your self and the outcome when you have a choice to make? Today I would like to take you on a journey to help you become more aware and connected to your self when making decisions.
Let’s start by reflecting on some past experiences to get a better understanding of their impact you. I invite you to try this with me and please take your time with it.
Think of a time when you made a decision that you thought was best, but immediately after you got a sick feeling in your heart or gut. What did you notice in this experience? How did it turn out?
Now, think of a time when you made a decision that you felt was best, but shortly after you had thoughts of rejection show up in your mind. What did you notice in this experience? How did it turn out?
Did the sick feeling or thoughts of rejection hold any sense of regret? Are you more drawn to one type of decision more than the other?
Although we can not go back and change these past events, these two reflections help us to understand what often influences our decision-making; our head or our heart. So let’s explore how we can work on becoming more connected to our true self for future decisions.
If we live only from our mind and thoughts our heart can feel left out or maybe not feel at all. Our emotions may become repressed or we avoid our feelings. If we live only from our heart, our mind’s logic and discerning abilities are not harnessed. We may become overly emotional and have a hard time trusting our feelings.
A good place to start with this is to notice what happens in your mind and your heart when you make decisions. You can use the examples you uncovered from our experiment above or any other situations. Do your head and heart feel balanced and connected? If you feel some disconnect between them, pay attention to what is not being heard or felt. Give it a voice or feel what it is longing for.
Conflict between your mind and your heart can lead to decisions of regret. Tweet this!
To help with decision-making, I would like to share with you a tool I learned from my Shamanic coach, Leia Gamache, I worked with a couple of years ago. She started me on my path of listening to body wisdom.
First, acknowledge all of the choices that are present. Take a deep breath in, let it out, and allow your energy to settle. Then, one at a time, say out a choice out loud as if you are going to do it. For example, “I will….”. Notice how you feel, any sensations in your body and any thoughts that may show up right after. Then do the same process for any other choice. For me, I usually notice one that feels more comfortable and my thoughts do not attack it. I know then that it is the better choice for me and I have a better sense of how it will affect me after the decision is made. If you have a choices you are weighing on now, try it out!
There is no fool-proof way to always make good decisions, as there are possible external circumstances that you can not control. However, learning to connect both your mind and your heart to your decisions can help you feel at ease with your decisions and live your life with truth and confidence in your self.
How would your life change if you were more connected to your self wisdom? What tools are you using to help you make decisions?
Please comment and share your experiences with decision-making! We an all learn from one another.
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