The New Years Spotlight

January 1st, it feels big, like a spotlight shining on you saying, “Okay, let’s see what you’ve got!”, …and you freeze. It could be stage fright, forgetting your lines, or perhaps you feel unprepared.

I had a mix of these feelings yesterday, and it had me confused.

I usually find January 1st to be an anticipated and opportunistic day. In the past, I’ve conquered habits like smoking, set resolutions to better my life, and felt uplifted with new possibilities. Yet, somehow I couldn’t grasp these supportive mindsets.

I had planned to create my vision board, send out some emails for the start of the year, but I couldn’t get there. I was disappointed in myself, which certainly didn’t make things any better.

It was like the shadows I didn’t want to face were staring at me and saying, “you know if you want to get anywhere, you have to deal with us first”. My self doubts were big and scary and my vision was dark and dull. I didn’t feel prepared or ready to face them.

So I ignored them, preferring to follow my best distraction habits…cleaning and organizing. “There was much to be done”, I told myself. The holidays were over and the house needed a reset. I was still eating holidays style and instead of getting to bed early, I also detracted from my needs by playing the new VR we got.

To be truthful, I could see what I was doing, yet I didn’t have the conviction to change it. I allowed these darker parts of myself to take over.

Fast forward to this morning. “Back to work”. I got up early, cleanup breakfast and got ready for a new day. I came out to my office and followed my first intuition…sit on your meditation cushion.

I sit down…”oh, this feels nice”, like receiving a hug from an old friend just when you needed it. “Okay, settle in”… the thoughts come and go, come and go, I see myself dwelling on the to-do list, “let it go… settle in…” hearing sounds outside… “let it go… settle in…” eventually I settled enough to be there, but my mind was certainly disturbed and distracted. But it was a good start. The teacher in me, reminds me this is okay… I agree “yes, okay”.

Then my yoga sutra book flashes in my mind, so I grab it and sit down for a quick read. The first sutra’s gentle reminder, this is the entrance to the path to fulfillment. Immediately I’m reminded of the purpose of my yoga practice, the gateway to my true self. Then Sutra 1.2, if straying from the practice, how easy it is for the roaming tendencies of the mind to take over. How that simple moment of noticing the distracted and disturbed mind becomes purified and clear through a steady, one-pointed mind. Here I am better able to distinguish the real from the unreal.

I’ve been out of my regular practice for 10 days, abundantly enjoying the freedom of the holidays, and I immediately recognize my disturbed mind, disconnected from my true reality and purpose.

There’s a dichotomy in this scenario for me. I certainly enjoyed the time away from the “daily grind”, sharing time with family and friends, travelling to Old Montreal for a mini vacation, celebrating and being merry. I have no regrets.

But I do notice what I need now. Normalcy, a moment to settle back into reality, to re-ground and prepare for all I want to create this year.

And perhaps that is the reminder.

When I choose a moment of freedom, I must remember to give myself a moment to re-ground and rebalance before expecting myself to already be back in the creative flow.

Even taking the time to write this, I can feel the glimmer of new possibilities emerging. Those ideas and plans for the new year sparking in my heart.

New-Years-Spotlight

If you connect to my thoughts and feelings here as you embrace a new year, take a moment to remember what grounds you, notice what you need to be reminded of the luminosity of your own essence, then create space for your true self to shine into the new year.

How are you settling into 2018? Do you feel yourself jumping right in or needing some time and space to settle in? Pop me a note or comment here, I’d love to hear from you!

Blessings to you for a healthy and prosperous 2018.

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